We could have made it without sex. It was weird in a sense that we both (I presume, at least I was felling ok) were not drunk. Everything was not set. I could fell you, but I regret not having felt more of you.
I am not taking it wrong if you are with someone else, if you still think about someone else. I just want to have the opportunity to desire someone and show what I can do for this person and share it and I would like to be given the opportunity get the same,
When I tell you about being scared of you. I say, I have asked you few times to have a coffee with me, and you gave stupid excuses, and still, I tried again, and insisted, not regretting trying, but sometimes thinking… I might have been foolish, stupid, to keep trying, I might have not seen something that was too obvious, and maybe I still do not see.
You want that - maybe – to enjoy your life, have sex and that s it….
I know I can definitely control myself. I know I can understand.
I do not know what you think. I do not know what you fell. I do not know if you feel.
Just tell me.
I will not be begging. I do not need that.
The time I had you in my arms was so quick. I could not fell you properly. I could not realize. I could not touch you. I could not see you. I could not fell you intensively. I had you cuddling me. It was nice, even not lasting that much.
I am not afraid of expressing myself. I am still trying to have happiness and taking the risk.
I still can t believe how quick it was. Why do the moments that you have being waiting for such a long time just flies in seconds. To see you, to look to your face, to look into your eyes, to fell you inside me and look into your eyes. To touch you a hundred of times and know that you were there with me.
I am just really tired. People say I analyze too much… Yes, I do. I do not want to hurt myself again, but I believe good feelings can still exist……………
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wish… I want … to shout, scream, yell,… whatever.
You know, you have lived with someone, must be intensive. I would like to understand this. It must be hard. To be attached to someone…
Anyway, I might become redundant, so I stop.
I have been asking myself why I am writing all these things….. To someone that I do not know really well, someone that I have no clue of what he thinks about me.
Maybe everything is just a stupid conception of my imagination.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
You - Part 5
I want someone to share, to trust. I know love is not like before, when you have your first love... you have some steps back. I have lots… You tend to do things alone most of the times, you learn how to be happy with yourself. But still for me, knowing I can live by myself, I still miss something.
In life we play games, we sometimes have to pretend things are ok, we have to hide, I know how to hide, but I do not want to hide feelings all the time and for the rest of my life.
When I have something that I wish so much in my hands, with me, even knowing what to do, I do not know what to do. It is a mixture of amusement, of staring to something that you thought would be untouchable and really suddenly this dream comes true... it is crazy, in few minutes you just few like sharing seconds (or hours that seems to be seconds...), and they end so quick as you close and open your eyes in a matter of seconds.
It could be interesting to only have sex, but I do not need that. It is important to satisfy our sexual desires, but only the last... as the word say by itself, it is always last.
I do not want more lasts. I want to share good moments with someone else again. To have someone to respect me and I give the same respect.
I do not want to be clubbing and to be chasing for anyone... to satisfy my outside feelings. I can find anyone, anywhere, anytime if I want. We all can…
I want someone to be real.
At the same time, it is easy and hard to say things. I never know how is going to be the interpretation of the other side, but I am open to explain and to make people to be able to understand me.
Do not fell offended for all these words.
I don’t intend to pressure you; I am just saying everything that was kept for a long time.
I just would like to have some feedback from you. What do you think about all these?
You read me saying all these things, that might sound bullshit to you, and I might be more relieved writing all this then saying it.
There is maybe a good answer, a bad answer or no answer.
We sometimes win, we sometimes loose. Life is like that, unless we try, and take the risk, not regretting our acts, trying not to hurt ourselves neither the others.
I am still trying to understand what men want nowadays… women that are strong, women that are week, fragile, a woman that looks after him, a bitch, a woman that cares so much about her partner or a woman that does not care at all.
It is trick and life is a box full of surprises…
In life we play games, we sometimes have to pretend things are ok, we have to hide, I know how to hide, but I do not want to hide feelings all the time and for the rest of my life.
When I have something that I wish so much in my hands, with me, even knowing what to do, I do not know what to do. It is a mixture of amusement, of staring to something that you thought would be untouchable and really suddenly this dream comes true... it is crazy, in few minutes you just few like sharing seconds (or hours that seems to be seconds...), and they end so quick as you close and open your eyes in a matter of seconds.
It could be interesting to only have sex, but I do not need that. It is important to satisfy our sexual desires, but only the last... as the word say by itself, it is always last.
I do not want more lasts. I want to share good moments with someone else again. To have someone to respect me and I give the same respect.
I do not want to be clubbing and to be chasing for anyone... to satisfy my outside feelings. I can find anyone, anywhere, anytime if I want. We all can…
I want someone to be real.
At the same time, it is easy and hard to say things. I never know how is going to be the interpretation of the other side, but I am open to explain and to make people to be able to understand me.
Do not fell offended for all these words.
I don’t intend to pressure you; I am just saying everything that was kept for a long time.
I just would like to have some feedback from you. What do you think about all these?
You read me saying all these things, that might sound bullshit to you, and I might be more relieved writing all this then saying it.
There is maybe a good answer, a bad answer or no answer.
We sometimes win, we sometimes loose. Life is like that, unless we try, and take the risk, not regretting our acts, trying not to hurt ourselves neither the others.
I am still trying to understand what men want nowadays… women that are strong, women that are week, fragile, a woman that looks after him, a bitch, a woman that cares so much about her partner or a woman that does not care at all.
It is trick and life is a box full of surprises…
Thursday, October 1, 2009
You - Part 4
What we have done...
As I told you. I am mature enough to know how to distinguish situations. I said, I would have spent more time, for mature sex, for wild sex, for love, for sharing, kisses, pleasure, tenderness, touches, sights, silence, and warmth.
When I say it was a weird moment, it is just because everything happened so unexpected for me, and someone that I wanted to share some minutes alone for such a long time, that I just did not know what to do, even knowing what to do, or what I wanted to...
That moment was happening, not in the way I was expecting. I am not saying it was bad. It was just quick, and I do know if I did it wrong, because we were something that I wanted to cultivate, in a good way. Not starting from the end. Sex for me is giving yourself, and maybe we were both not giving ourselves.
I do not regret.
I know men have their sexual necessities, but apart from that, that I know it is normal from the human beings, do you regret at all?
Yes, we can say, relationships between people in the 21st century are turning like that, but if I stop and think, it is sad, it is sick...
Some people want to live that for more time. I cannot blame those.
You might think how much bullshit I am writing here.
Sometimes people want the truth, but most of the times the truth seems to hurt, people do not want to listen, they think you are crazy.
Part of life…
I definitely know.
As I told you. I am mature enough to know how to distinguish situations. I said, I would have spent more time, for mature sex, for wild sex, for love, for sharing, kisses, pleasure, tenderness, touches, sights, silence, and warmth.
When I say it was a weird moment, it is just because everything happened so unexpected for me, and someone that I wanted to share some minutes alone for such a long time, that I just did not know what to do, even knowing what to do, or what I wanted to...
That moment was happening, not in the way I was expecting. I am not saying it was bad. It was just quick, and I do know if I did it wrong, because we were something that I wanted to cultivate, in a good way. Not starting from the end. Sex for me is giving yourself, and maybe we were both not giving ourselves.
I do not regret.
I know men have their sexual necessities, but apart from that, that I know it is normal from the human beings, do you regret at all?
Yes, we can say, relationships between people in the 21st century are turning like that, but if I stop and think, it is sad, it is sick...
Some people want to live that for more time. I cannot blame those.
You might think how much bullshit I am writing here.
Sometimes people want the truth, but most of the times the truth seems to hurt, people do not want to listen, they think you are crazy.
Part of life…
I definitely know.
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