You - Part 1

I might be stupid doing this…
I am about to tell you this for a long time.
When I ask people that do not know the situation… they tell me, do not do that, you do not need to expose yourself and harm yourself as well, because you are showing your feelings…
Anyway, I am taking the risk now and want to see where this is gonna take me, no matter the answer.
People tell me… ask guys that you like just for fun, a date only for fun… I just do not want this…maybe not now…
It is strange, because when you show your feelings to some guys, they just step back, and I am not surprised if you do that; some people just do not want or are not ready. We all have different timings.

The contact of the flesh was strange. Distant. Distance it is what I do not want for my life, even knowing that I am facing this for such a long time.
We suffer, but we know that other people, for other reasons, suffer more than us... I will not be attached to those people... I don t need that and I do not want that.

I want to be happy, I want happiness. For me, what I have been facing is happiness with my internal disagreement. Few moments of happiness. It is part of life, but should we accept that? All the time? Or sometimes we should avoid getting used with that.

Everything that is written here does not mean any expectation of approval, an yes answer, and really far away from my thoughts, to scare you.
I might be doing wrong, but I am just expressing myself, things that I think, that any human being is allowed to think.
I don t know if it is better to tell you, or just to shut up.

I am still kind of hurt due to my past, but I believe I have worked this out a lot, that I feel it just really less.
I don’t want to play more games, I do not want to open myself for unpleasant feelings, but, if they happen, I will have to face it.

I am tired of being alone and make sex for the simple act of making it. You might be in this vibe and I do not blame you. I just fell sorry for the situation.
I know, but I would prefer not to know that life sometimes make us fell and do silly things, acting with our emotions as what I am doing now.
Feelings..... What are feelings...?
Can we describe that....?
Do they exist....? I don’t know, but I want it still to exist...
I am still a bit discredited of true feelings from people to people… nowadays, 21 st century, everything is easy… you see someone today and tomorrow .. that s it. And I am not saying that because I do not couple with that. It s just reflects in your society, you make part of this environment.