You - Part 2

Sometimes I think about giving up...
life in that small city, life in here, life in everywhere, but if you understand what is in my mind, you will see that I appreciate life... I never wanted to kill myself, life is so nice, but I am trying to find meanings for it all the time and sometimes it seems that I will never reach the meanings...

Or maybe I just set some unreachable targets to myself…

I want someone.
I still believe that I will find someone who I can share.
Share feelings, share moments, share trips, share silly moments with silly sentences, share a whispering in the ears, share some tenderness in the whole body, share some massages, share pleasure and passion, share laughs, sadness, share the missing, the sickness, the madness, the really crazy moments when you allow yourself to be crazy and stop to live a stupid life, meaningless.
Share a place in the balcony, just to watch the moon in the sky, the silence.

Someone to touch my face, to look into my eyes and say nothing. To read my silence.
Someone that when I touch my lips I will remember the kiss, the smell, the touch.
Someone to know where my thoughts are. Someone, to somehow, protect me.
Someone to hold my hand, to say I love you, and say that is with me and wants at least to be with me.
Someone that enjoys my company.
Someone that likes to sleep cuddling, to give kisses in the rain, to travel to places that we do not know...

I do not need much. I respect when you say that you are not opened for relationships.
I am not asking this to you, I am just expressing and showing my feelings. I sometimes do not understand but I do understand that some people are not opened to share the feelings that hurt, even to just talk about them.

I am not asking for someone perfect that has no mistakes, not a superman, not a person with no past.
We all have our pasts…
I do not want to be with a person that does not give a shit to me, that is not in the same vibe.

You are in my dreams, usually in my sexual dreams, you are at the time I have my bath, and you are in my thoughts when I am masturbating myself.
I desire you, your flesh, I desire your thoughts, I desire your touch, and I desire your mouth, your eyes, your deepness, your pretended shyness, your silence.

I desire you, but not only in what I have just mentioned; it is just a mix of everything.
I do not know what you think about me… stupid? Idiot of doing that? Maybe I just did not want or did not see at all, because I asked you once, twice, three times before we go out.

I want to have you, to touch you. I am not crazy. I do not know if you can understand what I am trying to say.
Sometimes I am afraid of you, afraid of express myself because you can take me wrong, thinking I am insane. I am just afraid of games, I do not want to play with anybody; I don t want to waste my time.
At the same time that I declare myself, telling that I would do anything for a relationship.

I do love myself, I learnt how to and try to hurt myself not that much anymore and for that I do not need to hurt others either. As I told you, I am not here to play with feelings.
For me it is as relief to write everything to you. I would prefer to tell this to you, in your eyes, I am just afraid of you. I try to show myself strong... I am, but sometimes I travel in my own world, trying to get deep in your thoughts.
You told me I was patronizing… and this made me sad… the meaning…. It was just a shield, not to be hurt.